ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES/u>

Hello, this is the _________ home. Unfortunately we can't answer the phone right now because we've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and we're still made up of antimatter, so if we were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and we'll get back to you as soon as our component particles have been restored to their normal charges.

Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange...mother... unicorn...jello. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.

This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is acetylcholinesterase {or polyetheline, or scaphoid, or arrhenotky...)

Thank you for calling the Metropolitan Church of the Holy Bible. Today's commandment is Number 6, Thou shalt not...er...bear a...er...shalt not witness thy...uh...neighbor's ox, oh, I mean, false...er... shalt not commit a bear...dern...

Hello, this is the ________ microwave. Their answering machine just eloped with their tape deck, so I'm stuck taking their calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.

Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? --Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you want it on screen?

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