NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING WITH A WOMAN

One day, a man comes home from work, and after pulling into the driveway, is mortified at the sight. He gets out of his car and nearly trips over all the toys that are all over the front lawn. One of his children is still in his pajamas, sitting in a mud puddle playing with the GI Joe toys. Mud covers this child like a full body mask. Shocked, the man continues on towards the front door, where he finds the door wide open, with muddy foot prints throughout the light carpeting, muddy fingerprints on the wall.. crayon drawings on the doors, windows half open...spilled juice and crumbled cookies all over.

At this point, the man panics. He's afraid something has happened to his wife, so he sets about the house looking for his wife. He runs into the kitchen, only to find his toddler daughter standing on a kitchen chair mixing a bowl of cereal with a spoon, and the kitchen looks as if a science experiment blew up in there. He asks his daughter 'where's mommy'? She replies with "I don't know". He frantically makes his way through the dining room, only to find all the chairs over turned, and half of the China plates strewn out over the table in a mess. In the nearby family room, he hears the television blaring out cartoon sounds... walks through only to see pillows, toys,Jell-O snack containers all over the carpeting, and the family cat batting around their now dead gold fish.

Finally, he runs up stairs... hearing water running. He runs past one bathroom, only to quickly back step and see the faucet running full bolt...with rubber duckies covered in blue toothpaste floating in the sink. Wet towels all over the place.. toilet paper unrolled all over the floor, and the family dog sitting in the middle of the toilet paper pile.

At last he gets to their bedroom, only to find his wife, sitting up right in the bed, sipping on hot coffee, in her comfortable pajamas, with her hair pulled back into a pony tail, reading a book. Nonchalantly, she looks up at him and says, "Oh! Hi honey! How was your day?"

Stunned, and completely scared for his wife's well being at this point, the man says, "O M G are you ok? What happened here? The kids.. they're filthy.. the dog is sitting on a mountain of toilet paper and there's a cooking project that exploded in the kitchen. The cat is playing with the goldfish, and the front lawn can now be used as an artillery practice range! Do you feel ok? Are you not well? Can you move? Does your back hurt?! Can I get you anything? Speak to me!! Honey?! "

The wife looks lovingly at the husband, seeing his grave concern for her, and very sweetly and calmly replies, "Remember how you ask me what I do around here all day?" The husband cautiously says, "Um... yes..."

The wife replies, "Well, today, I didn't do it."

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