SIGNS YOU ARE DRUNK

You lose arguments with inanimate objects
You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
Job interfering with your drinking
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream
Career won’t progress beyond senator of Massachusetts
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat
Sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group
24 hours in a day, 24 cans of beer in a case… coincidence.. I think not!
Two hands and only one mouth… now that’s a drinking problem
You can focus better with one eye closed
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger… screw diner
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
At AA meetings you begin with “Hi my name is … uh…”
Your idea of cutting back is less salt
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed - hmmm
The whole bar says “Hi” when you walk in
You think the 4 basic food groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and (Women or Men)
Every night you’re beginning to find your roommate’s cat more attractive
Don’t recognize your spouse unless seen threw the bottom of a glass
The damn pink elephant followed you home again
I’m as sober as a judge
The shrubbery’s drunk from frequent watering
And the best is that you believe Rehab is for quitters



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